It’s been quite a couple of years. In 2016 my company selected me for their leadership training program. The first session was scheduled for 13th June. They had flown some members of the team from American to take part. That was the day I met Jess.
Fast forward a year and we were married. Fast forward another 13 months and my Visa had been approved and I was saying my goodbyes to my friends and family in the UK and flying out to Boston for a new life, a new start.
Except it wasn’t.
I had joined a new company on a contract basis at the start of December 2017, with the understanding that I would be leaving the country at some point the next summer. My plan was to get to America with a blank slate (luckily we have some savings so money wouldn’t be an issue for a few months) and maybe try to do something on my own. As the end of July ticked nearer and nearer I had a conversation with the new VP of HR and off the back of that I had agreed to extend my contract and work remotely for them until the end of the year.
So what happened? I was set on the new beginning, it was all planned. But then thoughts of cash and security took over. It would only be for a few months. The money would be handy. I knew the company so it should be an easy gig for me.
Fair enough right? But what if that’s what always happens? What if I don’t get that blank slate to work from? What if I never give that idea a chance?
What if’s, what if’s?
What if your ideas are crap and don’t work?
What if you don’t make any money?
What if you aren’t as good as you think you are?
What if you fail?
There it is – WHAT IF YOU FAIL?
I love the current trend of people starting up their own thing using the internet – I’m a member at fizzle.co who help people do just that. Idea after idea becoming real, some taking off, some sinking without trace, but all giving it a go.
What’s worse, failing or never knowing?
That’s where I am now. My contract is up just before Xmas and I have an idea and a 6 month runway to make it happen. However, I’m also getting a lot of interest from companies in the Boston area to come and work with them. So I go from day to day, thinking that, yes, this is my time, or no, this job could be good (money, security etc).
So I’m in a position where, if the right role comes along then I may well take it. I can always try my own thing later, right? But what if I run out of laters? What if I never give it a try and that thing that is inside of me never sees daylight. What if I just have just if’s?
This is a big month for me – I need to make that decision and go with it, no matter how scary it is.